Interview trail: a bonus note

(This winter, Y traveled around the country interviewing for a residency position. I’ve been writing about his travels. For more notes from the interview trail, click here.)


Today was the day we found out whether Y matched. Not where he matched, just whether or not he actually has a spot somewhere.


I’ve been waiting for this day for months. 


Not because I was worried about Y matching. I knew he would.(He did.)


I’ve been waiting for this day because Y told me that as soon as he found out he had a place somewhere, I could tell you this story:

It was a rainy, almost snowy, day in December and Y was at an interview in Pennsylvania. Not just any interview – an interview at one of the most prestigious programs in the country. It was just after this infamous night (to recap: flight delayed 4 hours; arrives at hotel at midnight to find he has no bed), and despite the less than optimal sleep he was on his game. Ready to impress.


The doctor conducting the interview looked down at his file. “You’re from Louisiana, I see. Where else have you interviewed?” Y ticked off the list he had gotten so used to reciting.


The doctor nodded. “What made you interview at places so far from home?”


Y was relieved. He liked it when the questions were about his desire to experience something different from the South. He enjoyed sharing his love of travel. He had his answer fully prepared, but played it cool.


“I just, you know. I just wanted to spread my legs.”


Silence. 




Shit, he thought, I played it too cool. 






And that’s why I don’t think we’ll be moving to Philadelphia. 

match day is march 16th

You guys. Match Day is so soon. We have dairy in our refrigerator that expires after Match Day.

And we are within the window of when it’s appropriate to send the traditional Match Day greeting card. 

My last interview trail entry may have been posted last week, but it actually happened over a month ago. It almost feels like the whole thing never happened – the sleeping alone in my scary house, the rodents living in my walls, the portrait of Jack Black at the Boston MFA, the getting mistaken for a prostitute in St. Louis (while wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt, I might add). Without having to make trips to the airport every few days, we’ve had a lot of time to think about where we might like to live for the next 3+ years — and I have the massive, multi-city pros and cons list to prove it, with items like:

• Ike would have to wear snow boots (pro!!)
• Gooey butter cake (pro!)
• Pro baseball teams (pro!)
• Home of the most famous minor league baseball team in America (…neutral)
• We could wear cheese heads at Match Day (pro!)
• Resident autonomy (What? What does that even mean?)
• Good clinic schedule (Who cares! Get back to the important stuff.)
• A bridge collapsed!!! (CON.)
• Residents of this state are encouraged to take their shirts off, twist them around their head and spin them like a helicopter (both?)

As you can see, someone’s had their work cut out for them. And last Wednesday, Y turned in his official, final rank list… and now we wait. 

In the mean time, let’s discuss that Match Day card, which is actually not a thing and was sent to Y by the American Medical Association in hopes he would upgrade his membership from student to professional sometime this year.

Y thinks the note on the back of the envelope was written with an auto-pen. I — having worked as an intern — think a couple of interns were forced to write 13,000 handwritten congratulatory messages. What say you? 

interview trail: alabama

This picture was actually taken in Arkansas, but I would not be surprised if most people didn’t know there was a difference between Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, and probably even Louisiana.

When you’re driving through middle of nowhere Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, it’s important to have a backup plan in case of boredom when your passenger falls asleep and your iphone transmitter won’t work. I didn’t have one. All I had was Mississippi/Alabama border radio on scan. And it was all country. Over. And over. And..

And then… I found my backup plan. As snippets of country songs played, one after the other, I realized that country lyrics were all so similar that they blurred together to form little country poems.  This entertained me for hours.

My favorites:

If Y ends up matching in Alabama and I can’t find a job, at least I’ll have a really productive hobby.

Y has been flying around the country for residency interviews since October. I’ve been writing about it. To see the rest of my notes from the interview trail, click here. 

Interview trail: Portland part 2

Y has been flying around the country for residency interviews since October. I’ve been writing about it. To see the rest of my notes from the interview trail, click here. 

The girl and the boy, currently living in a city with only a regional airport, had few options to fly to Oregon. From Louisiana, they flew halfway across the country in the opposite direction. They landed in Atlanta in the middle of a thunderstorm, missing their flight to Oregon by minutes. After a stressful half hour in an enraged customer service line, they were told the only way to get to Oregon on this specific airline was through New York.  

After half-heartedly arguing, the boy and the girl — sweaty after sprinting across the world’s busiest airport with a weekend’s worth of clothing — trudged to their gate for their four hour layover

The boy thought this trip would be his easiest: it was one of his last cross-country travels so he knew what to expect and the girl, whom he had seen little of recently, was with him. Instead, the relaxing interview-cation he had expected was already becoming a nightmare.

The girl tried her hardest to calm the boy down. She bought him the ultimate Jewish comfort food (a bagel with cream cheese), and reminded him (every five minutes, it seemed) that they were set to arrive in Portland three days before his interview. It would take an extremely unfortunate series of plane delays to miss the interview.

Finally, thank goodness, they boarded their flight to New York. As the plane taxied to the runway, the screens on the backs of their seats lit up, ready to play the standard safety video. They were officially on their way, and the boy put his arm around the girl and smiled at her. 

“You know what’s been the best part about flying around the country for all of these interviews?” he asked.

The girl gazed up at him. “What?” she replied,  although she was sure she knew the answer. Coming home to see you, perhaps, or This moment, right now, because we’re together.

His smile widened as the safety video began.

“The redhead in Delta’s safety video.”

watch the video here so you, too, can lust over “Deltalina”. Don’t miss the best part at about 1:49.

on today’s episode of Portlandia…

Portland was a natural stop for Y on the interview trail – it’s our favorite city, and my sister lives there. My sister loves to show off the quirk that Portland is famous for – perhaps you’ve seen it portrayed on Portlandia? I’ve only been to Portland 6 or 7 times, but even with my small exposure, nearly every part of that show rings true.

And based on my latest trip, I’ve got a pitch for a sketch.

The scene: a mother (Mom X) is tucking her eleven year old twins into bed in their shared bedroom. Posters of baby animals line the walls, American Girl dolls lay scattered in the threshold of the room, on the brink of outgrown. 

Twin A: Mom, puh-leeeze can we get our ears pierced?

Twin B: EVERY one in our class has them pierced!

Cut to PTA meeting

Mom X: I’m thinking about letting the girls get their ears pierced.

PTA mom 1: I hope you’re not thinking about taking her to Claire’s.

PTA mom 2: Did I hear someone say Claire’s? As in, the corporate chain of tween jewelry that’s ruining America?

PTA mom1: Don’t even get me started!

PTA mom 3: What are we talking about?

PTA mom 2: Claire’s!

PTA mom 3: (gasps) Why?

PTA mom 1: Mom X is thinking about going to Claire’s to get the girls’ ears pierced.

PTA mom 3: (pulls out phone) Mom X, I’m going to send you some literature on Claire’s. You know they practice inadequate sterilization techniques, right? 

PTA mom 2: And the quality of the jewelry they put in the poor children’s ears is disgusting! 

PTA mom 1: Don’t forget about that horrible gun!

PTA moms, in unison: (shuddering) Not the gun!

PTA mom 4: I took my kids to The Wanderer.

PTA moms nod enthusiastically.

Mom X: The Wanderer?

PTA mom 4: He does body piercings, so he has to be up to code and sterile.

PTA mom 3: And he only uses the best quality metal.

PTA mom 2: My kids said it didn’t hurt at all!

PTA mom 1: And his shop is within a tribal art museum, so everyone can get a really fulfilling experience. 

All PTA moms in unison: And there’s a coffee shop next door!

Cut to The Wanderer’s piercing shop. Mom X, the girls, and a little boy enter the shop.

Boy: (wide-eyed, whispers) Mom… where are we?

The Wanderer: Okay, can we get this over with? I need to go to Ikea. 

Twin A sits on the piercing chair. The Wanderer rubs iodine on her ear, and she flinches as the needle approaches.

TW: (rolling his eyes) Listen kid, I pierce babies’ ears all the time. If they can do it, you can do it.

Boy: Mommy, where ARE we?

Mom X: So tell me why you’re better than Claire’s.

TW: (sneering) Claire’s and Hot Topic… they’re big corporations, so they’re above the law. They don’t have any inspections to make sure they’re sterile. My shop is fully sterile. 

Cut to the shop exit; both girls have had their ears pierced.

TW: Listen here, ladies. You better not go to Claire’s and buy any of their crappy earrings. That stuff will rot your ears. If you come back to me with an infection, I’ll charge you $100 because I’ll KNOW that you went to Claire’s. And NO dangly earrings. Ever. Your hole will stretch out.

Camera zooms in on The Wanderer’s ear.

interview trail: north carolina

Let’s just get this out in the open: I let Ike sleep like a person when Y is gone. Under the covers, head on the pillow, the whole deal. Sometimes we spoon. Now you know.


We certainly have it better than Y, who had such a terrible experience at his hotel in North Carolina that he felt compelled to review it on Tripadvisor:


Welcome to the future, welcome to the Millenium


Looking for a memorable experience? Look no further! Relax and Allow the negligent and undermanned staff of the Millennium hotel transport you to that long forgotten mystical era that to which you have always wanted to return; the era of style, panache and wonder. The legendary era of the early 1980s! Enjoy the narrow, dim hallways lit only by small candelabra bulbs last seen in the waiting area of a Reagan era olive garden. Breathe in the lingering scent of tobacco still emanating from the dirty floral print carpet. Gaze, in wonder, at the latest in television technology that 1983 has to offer! Store your belongings in a sagging armoire and refresh yourself in a state-of-the-art rust covered shower complete with your own personal colony of tenia pedis. Prepare to be pampered with truck-stop quality toiletries and then wrapped the thinnest of towels. Sleepy? Feeling the need to perform a few bodily functions on your bed before retiring? No worries! The Millennium hotel has pre-stained your sheets for you, so you need not soil them yourself. It’s the little extras that really make this hotel experience unique. Hungry? Thinking of ordering room service? Feel free to peruse the tattered and stained menus and brochures not replaced since Devo was topping the charts. In town, and feeling the need to check your new fangled “electronic mail?” The business center is outfitted with the most modern computers running Windows 98, which are unable to print boarding passes. Welcome to the Millennium! 

Yes indeed, all these amenities and more can be yours at this hotel, which for reasons beyond current scientific understanding received a 3 star rating on Hotwire.

interview trail: midwest stop #5

In the interest of vagueness, I’m not going to tell you anything about this city except that it has an arch. 

While Y was at his interview, I stood in front of said arch, playing with my camera. A man, who was either a) homeless; b) drunk; or c) both stumbled up to me and asked where the library was. 


I, obviously, had no idea. 


This pissed him off. In retaliation he narrowed his eyes at me and said, “Okay, fine, how much for an hour?” and stalked off. 


I hope he managed to find the library without traumatizing any more tourists. 

interview trail: Boston part 2

A few random thoughts about Boston:


1. I was apparently on the flight from Memphis to Boston with the Small Bladder Convention. People were constantly going back and forth to the bathroom, and each time the door opened, the air recirculated and I got a huge whiff of weed. Naturally, since the smell was correlated to the bathroom door opening, I assumed someone was smoking weed in the bathroom. But then, as I pressed my forehead against the window to get a better view of Manhattan as we zoomed over it, the smell got stronger. I looked down and saw curly tendrils spilling into my personal space. This girl’s weave REEKED of pot. She did manage to sleep the entire flight — maybe I should rethink my pre-flight rituals?


2. Y got some good news about his clinical skills board exam while we were in Boston! I like to think I helped with that...


3. If we were basing our choice of city on desserts, I think the lobster tail from Modern Pastry would push Boston into first place.


4. But all of the Dunkin Donuts would be a disaster. Currently our motto is, “See a DD, inhale at least 2 donuts” because we never know when we’ll see one again. If we move to Boston, that has got to stop. 


5. While Y was at his interviews, I avoided shopping by going to museums.At the JFK library, I was reunited with my inner American History geek. I also learned the following: JFK played a lot of shirtless rugby before he was president, JFK looked good in wayfarers, Jackie had a lot of pretty dresses.


6.  Can we discuss this portrait of Paul Revere at the Boston Museum of Fine Art? More specifically, can we discuss how Paul Revere looks EXACTLY like Jack Black? I stopped dead in my tracks when I walked into the gallery with this picture. I was sure I was on [the worst and most boring episode of] punk’d and Jack Black was going to step out of the shadows laughing at me.  (By the way, the internet already knows about the Jack Black/Paul Revere resemblance — and, naturally, is accusing Black of time travel.)


(Also, this is officially my second post about Paul Revere. I love American history and all, but I never thought my blog would cover Revere in such depth.)

(read the rest of my notes from the interview trail)

Interview Trail: Boston Part 1

You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but medical students — at least the ones I know — have know-it-all tendencies. 


On a completely unrelated note, do you want to know the worst person you could probably travel with? A KNOW IT ALL. 


Within 5 minutes of arriving at the airport, Y decided that his last few weeks of travel canceled out the fact that I had ever set foot on an airplane. He criticized:

•  the speed at which I removed my ID from my purse (“You need to have that out beforehand!”)
• the shoes I chose to wear on the plane (“Boots?! You’ve got to be f*king kidding me. You do know you have to take those off, right?”)
• my shoe removal technique (“You’re not fast enough!”)
• the placement of my jacket on the security conveyor belt(“You need a second bin for your coat. Everyone knows that.”)
• my failure to push the bin forward (“You can’t just set it down! It has to be pushed. You’re holding up the line!”)
• the pocket I chose to store my quart size bag of liquids (“You need to keep them closer to the front so they’re easier to remove!”)**

And once we were on the plane:

• “That smell you’re smelling is the beverage cart. It smells bad on 100% of flights.”
• “Dammit! I’ve already read this issue of Skymall. Twice.”
• “What?! Both of our flights are on Canadair Regional Jets? I myself prefer the Embraer or any of the Boeing jets.”
• “PSH! This turbulence is nothing.”

And then… the seasoned air traveler discovered something he hadn’t noticed before. 

“Hey!”

“That speaker looks like a thyroid!!”

**In Y’s defense, I may be exaggerating a teeny tiny bit. But I truly believe he would have said all of these things had I not given him a look of death after he tried to tell me which pocket to put my toiletries in. 

Interview trail: a brief break at home

After his fifth trip — at five days it was the longest so far — the boy is finally home, in his own shower, his own bed. The next flight is in just two days, and a good night’s sleep in his own bed is a must. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, his stomach full from homemade chicken pot pie (and cramped from laughing at the girl’s botched haircut). 

The girl falls asleep soon after, but is woken in the middle of the night by the boy’s tossing and turning. She opens an eye wearily as the boy rolls over, groans, and whispers in her ear. 

“Are we in a hotel?”