like buttah

Because of a tax break for the film industry, movies have started filming in our little half medical, half redneck paradise (Sidenote: It is rare to visit any restaurant or store that doesn’t have at least one person wearing scrubs, one person in a white coat, and one fat guy wearing overalls). Yesterday, there was a shoot happening around the corner from our house. Plan Make Ike Famous part B (my callout to the Today show fell flat) was in full effect. During our lunch break Yoni, Ike and I took a little walk to get some yogurt and — ohmigosh what is this a movie set, right on our route? What are the chances? And I just happen to have my camera?!

There have been claims that none of the movies filmed here have been of decent quality (The Year One, Mad Money, W). Well this movie, the one whose set has now been graced with Ike’s urine, is out to change that reputation:

A comedy set in the Midwest U.S., where an adopted girl discovers her talent for butter carving and finds herself pitted against an ambitious local woman in their town’s annual contest.

How could a movie about butter carving be anything but amazing? I just hope Paula Deen has a cameo.

Anyway, as Yoni and I started on our walk we plotted ways to get Ike in with the celebrities. Jennifer Garner stars in Butter, so our first thought was obviously that little Violet and Seraphina would be hanging around on set, and want to play with our little doggy, which would surely end up on Perez Hilton.

But what if Jennifer Garner wasn’t around? Alicia Silverstone is in the movie too -huge PETA advocate. We set up a hypothetical scene should she be there that involved us kicking Ike. She would have to intervene. Ike wouldn’t mind taking one for the team.

Hugh Jackman could have been there. To attract his attention, we quickly choreographed an Oscars-worthy dance with Ike as the lead.

The other male lead, Rob Corrdry, is known (by us) for his Daily Show correspondence and awesome bangs:

Guys with beards have a special bond; why not guys with bangs?

Other cast members include Ty Burrell (my FAVORITE character from Modern Family), Kristen Schaal (another Daily Show correspondent), Ashley Greene (who was in some movie about vampires or something?) and Olivia Wilde, who I, oops, forget to tell Yoni about because I’m pretty sure she’s on his list. We didn’t come up with a plan for them; we were SO sure the play date with Jennifer Garner’s girls would work out.

As we turned the corner, we spotted our first celebrity:

The fat neighborhood cat we call Wilford Brimley.

And the rest of the journey was just as eventful. We did spot a prop, though.

All in all I’d say our celebrity stalking walk was successful. We got some exercise and our yogurt. The only reason I left work for an hour on a busy Wednesday to take a walk. Yep. Gotta have my midday yogurt.

my first 5k

Well, I ran my first 5K this weekend and my body decided to reward me with a gross cold. There are some really gross things about having a cold, but I think the worst is having to retrieve my used Kleenex from Ike’s mouth. Delicious.

The night before the race I had nightmares. In my dream, the race was taking place in Mexico, and for some reason people were running in shifts. The race officiator would wait until 5 or so people arrived at the race site and give them the “Ready, set, go” command. Then a few minutes later, he would do it all over again.

Fun fact: I am, for some strange reason, terrified of being startled by a loud noise. I was the worst swimmer on my swim team in high school because I stood on the block, squeezing my eyes shut waiting for the airhorn to scare the crap out of me. By the time I had recovered from the loud noise, most of the swimmers were on their flipturn. I’ve also sat through an entire play with my hands in my ears because a sign on the door warned parents that their children might get scared by the gunshots.

Sad story: I can’t be in a room with balloons.

This is how I roll on New Year’s Eve.

Anyway, I had briefly wondered if there would be a loud noise, (worst case scenario: a gun) to start the race, but I pushed the thought out of my head thinking surely I was over my phobia. Apparently I pushed the thought right into my dream. In this weird Mexican race scenario, I was one of the first to arrive but lurked in the shadows until I could find out what was used to start the race. Gun? Airhorn? Balloon popping?
But each time a group of runners started the race, I got distracted and didn’t hear what signaled them to go. By the time I finally got up the courage to just run, a giant severe thunderstorm warning threatened all of Mexico and the race was canceled. Typical Mexico. Drug wars and weather systems the size of an entire country; always ruining 5Ks.

After this dream, as I stood at the starting line of the actual race all I could think about was how to avoid the loud noise. Never mind that I was starving. Never mind that it was 8 am and I am not a morning person, and never mind that I had never run more than 2 miles at a time. This could get embarrassing; I have been known to drop to my knees in the event of a loud noise (Note to self: do not attend air shows anymore). Could I plug my ears, pretending to be cleaning them out as the race started? (Yes, I have used this strategy before. I may look gross, but at least I don’t look crazy. And — bonus! — my ears are spotless.)

I came up with a genius strategy. Turn my iPod on full blast, drown out the actual race noises and just start running when everyone else did. While everyone around me chatted, I turned on shuffle and listened to a Fergie-Ferg classic at full blast.

When the officiator got up to the front and reached in his pocket, my song got to a quiet point. I wasn’t quick enough to change the song, and my heart started pounding as he pulled out his stopwatch and casually yelled, “Okay, GO!”

And you all thought Yoni was the worrier of this relationship…

Wow. That goofy running face is probably one of the many reasons I didn’t pursue this hobby earlier.

it’s prom season, baby

Those med school kids are so clever. Next weekend is, essentially, med school prom, but apparently someone loves puns as much as I do because it’s being called “The Undescended Ball”. Since I am no longer 17, proms aren’t that exciting to me, but it does mean an excuse to dress up, which I will never turn down.

I waited until the last minute with online shopping, wishing and hoping that Rue La La would feature a really good deal on formal dresses ($3.95, Leila?). That didn’t happen, so I have two options.

1. Search the teeny tiny corner of our Dillard’s that sells semi decent clothing
2. Take a self deprecating tour through my closet of old formal dresses in search of one that is remotely recyclable.

Well. I did both. Dillard’s had nothing to offer me (I even searched the…cringe… juniors prom dresses) and so far, neither does my closet:

I distinctly remember asking my friend in the dressing room if this dress made me look fat. Clearly, I had bigger things to worry about. Like… well, everything?

We also won’t go into what I had to worry about here, either. But, oh, there was so much. So, so much. I do remember I started going to a gym for the first time ever a few weeks before this picture was taken because “I wanted my arms to look nice for prom”. Snort.

And this was prom the next year. Honestly, I don’t think the dress is the problem here.

A few years later, I recycled that red dress for a Mardi Gras ball. Sadly, shortly after I found mold on its beautiful, classy, visible tulle layers, so it is out of the running for this year’s event. Such a shame. It’s practically vintage now.

I’ve already showed you this dress, but I thought I would post it again to remind you of my resemblance to Jessica Simpson.

Mom stops buying your clothing? Poor college student? Ugly $25 dollar bright turquoise dress it is.

Still a poor college student? Have slightly better taste? This $15 random black dress from a juniors’ section somewhere fits the bill. I would wear this one again, but not only did I wear it a Purim party 5 years ago, I wore it to med school prom last year (above). I wouldn’t want to commit my first ever fashion faux pas, now would I??

3% of me wants to throw social norms out the window and wear my wedding dress. I mean, I could dye it, right? It wouldn’t be that weird… right?

Needless to say, I’m back at square one. If you have a blog, I would love to see your old prom dress disasters!

mrs. misanthrope

I have a problem: I hate everyone.

People annoy me for no good reason. For instance, I know someone who repeats the last two words of every sentence spoken to them and acts like he was already in the middle of saying the same thing, trying to sound smart. I can’t handle it. Even worse are the people around this person who don’t realize that he is full of crap.

Tonight, while gritting my teeth listening to this person speak, I had an epiphany. All of a sudden I knew why this whole situation irritated me so much: I have an impeccable bullshit detector. And you know how I got it?

Who has two thumbs and is full of BS??

That’s right — my husband has his PhD in bullshitting and one of the many many many gifts of our relationship has been my growing ability to pick up on any and all bs – in my house and out of it. All those definitions Yoni claimed to know, all the dinnertime wikipedia editing (which, by the way, has not been changed back… remember that next time you rely on good old wiki for ANYTHING) have led me to detect every teeny tiny embellishment anyone spews out and judge everyone around them for not picking up on it.

So there you have it, Yoni – you are the reason why I would rather spend time with the dog than with other people. When I get to the point where I have no friends and over 500 pictures of the dog, it will be all because of you. You know… if that ever happens. Not that it will be anytime soon.

Picture 474… taken January 20. 2009.

My dog > your dog

Did anyone else see the dog that was recently featured on the Today Show?

This dog, Riley, got on the Today show because he took ONE picture where it looked like he was smiling. Of course, during his live segment on the show; his one shot at real fame at the hands of Matt Lauer, he didn’t smile. FAIL, Riley, fail.

Scholarly Ike wants to know what happened to journalistic integrity.

First of all, Today show, EVERYONE has a picture of their dog smiling (but how many dogs have hearts on their backs).

Secondly, if all it takes is one semi amusing picture of your dog to get fifteen minutes of fame, I am all over that. How about this for a segment, Matt Lauer: If My Husband Pushes My Dog’s Neck Fat Up a Certain Way, I’m Convinced he Looks Like Martin Van Buren.

Or this one: One Picture of My Dog Sort of, Kind of, Okay Maybe Not Really Looks like Jim from The Office.

Or perhaps, My Dog Jumps on the Roof of His Dog House When I Say “Snoopy”

Or my favorite, It Looks Like My Dog Has a Handlebar Mustache.

Call me, Lauer!


Another year, another Passover ends. I’ve never actually liked giving up bread for Passover, but it becomes especially difficult when my husband has decided that his many hobbies –dissecting brains, memorizing the periodic table, building bikes, herding sheep…

…aren’t enough, and he needs to add baking delicious, delicious bread products to his repertoire.