It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a story about Ike (well, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything at all). To be honest, it’s hard. All I want to do is talk about Ike. He sits! He yawns! He whines at the door! He cocks his head when I say “laundry”! It’s all SO CUTE. But you would stop reading if I posted that kind of stuff everyday. (It’s ok, I would stop reading, too.)
But I know you guys love Ike. So I subconsciously created a story for you in the form of an incredibly specific dream two nights ago. Here’s what happened:
Ike was stolen from our house. (for real this time)
I woke up one morning and he was gone. There was no sign of breaking and entering, and neither Y nor I heard any strange noises in the middle of the night. We decided to keep vigil by the computer (I mean, where else are you going to do it?). Lucky that we did, because we soon received an e-mail with this picture:
From the fine print of the e-mail we learned that Hallmark decided that Patriot’s Day (which is 9/11) was a little too depressing so close to the holiday season. So the execs at Hallmark, with their infinite holiday-inventing-power, decided that September 11th should be International Pet Vacation Day.
(Genius, right? No stealing, Hallmark. This amazing idea is copyright my sleeping brain.)
To get the word out about the new holiday, Hallmark implemented a guerilla marketing campaign: in the middle of the night, they would send a giant claw (much like one of those claw vending machine games) through the roofs of houses, steal family pets and send them away on a luxury vacation. Just when pet owners became frantic, Hallmark would send an electronic greeting card showing the pet having a fabulous time. How they knew each pet’s exact dream-vacation, we’ll never know. (It’s eerie; Ike often speaks of his desire to roll in waves of the Atlantic.)
Shortly after the e-mail was received, Hallmark sent each pet back to their home, tanned and rested and ready to return to the strenuous life of being a furry family member. But I don’t remember this part, because I woke up after the e-mail, laughing at myself for thinking up this stuff in my sleep.