Anyone who knows me can vouch for my tendency to get bossy when it comes to grammar. It’s a random habit — I’m not really a perfectionist in any other aspects, but stick an apostrophe where it doesn’t belong or misuse a homophone and you will most definitely hear about it from me.
That sounded menacing, right? Right? Well… it’s not exactly true. Unless I’m close to you, I won’t point out your mistake. I’ll probably just post about it on my blog. To be honest, there isn’t enough time in the day to rectify all of the spelling and grammar errors on signs and buildings around here. While in DC, staying on Georgetown’s campus, I climbed onto a campus bus and saw a sign that said something like this:
My heart almost stopped — not only was the sign written in a complete sentence, the ensure/insure homophone had been used correctly! A sign at home (on our not-quite-as-prestigious-as-Georgetown campus) trying to convey the same message might have looked like this:
Don’t even get me started on the random quotation marks. Y snapped this picture the other day, just because he knew it would make me mad. So romantic:
The reason I bring this up: I just found an article about a guy who traveled around the United States correcting errors on signs, (apparently, he didn’t find an excess of mistakes in any one part of the country, which I find hard to believe) and wrote a book about his adventure. I have three thoughts on this:
A) That is awesome.
B) Why didn’t I think of that?
C) They’ll give anyone a book deal these days, won’t they?
When we went on our vacation to New York and DC, I realized that other than the constant energy, the H&M on every corner, and the fact that you could eat at a different restaurant every day for the next ten years, there was another reason I loved being out of the South: everyone was rude and no one wanted to talk to me.
Not to mention the pressure I feel, having to ask every single stranger how they’re doing. And the disappointment when, time after time, I just hear “fine”. That brings me to my next point: why ask someone how they’re doing, when no one in the history of time (I’ve done research) has ever said anything other than “fine” or “good, thanks”?
Also: politeness wastes time. Imagine this scenario, it happens to me daily: you’re approaching a 4-way stop. Another car approaches from the opposite direction — for the sake of accuracy, we’ll say it’s some kind of large truck with some sort of confederate flag paraphernalia. Perhaps like this:
This vehicle gets to the stop sign a full three seconds before you make your full stop. Even though they have the right of way, they wave you through. This throws you off, since it’s not your turn. So you wave them through frantically, because you (okay, fine, me) are OCD and can’t handle when the flow of traffic is disturbed.
The other driver is clearly offended that you didn’t appreciate their polite gesture, and waves you through again, just as frantically. You both hesitate. Finally you think, “Okay fine, I’ll just go” and start to inch forward. Without fail, the other driver has that thought at the exact same moment. You take turns lurching forward until one of you takes the plunge, ending your epic 4-way stop battle, and you (okay, me again) end up being 10 minutes and 7 seconds late instead of just 10 minutes late.
Phew. Can you tell this is a sore subject for me?
I appreciate the effort, South, but I propose we set some rules. First of all, there should be no politeness in driving, other than when I need you to let me in your lane. Secondly, if you don’t know me, there is no need to know how I’m doing today because surely you don’t want to hear about how my dog rolled around on his back on top of a dead rat in the backyard and then barfed on the couch (true story). And finally — this one is the most important — if a girl is wearing heels, you must be within 5 feet in front if you plan to hold the door open for her, because we both lose when you’ve committed and have to hold the door open for a full minute while I run-walk across an entire room in 3 inch heels and inevitably faceplant.
I’ve been reading online reviews of your “Magnet” phone. Apparently, you guys are very proud of this phone because it has a qwerty keyboard. Well let me just say congratulations, you made a phone with a qwerty keyboard… FOR CARNIES.
I call Y and ask what he thinks I should do, we agree I should call a vet. And the texts begin.
y: my friend josh says it may r may not be vas [bad]. wing or leg?
me: thigh. ive called tree vets. boarding place im waiing on.
me: vet says i should induce vomiting
y: you cab try
y: if you cant, theb bring hi. In.
me: 60 dollars later, no chicken bone. she disnot sound too wirried.
y: great. now what
me: watch his oop.
y: what? happens i there is blod
me: bring him in. surg?
Did you get all that? Because I sure didn’t. Neither did my husband. Y spent his day wondering why i would call a tree vet when our dog was the issue. And he did a great job of watching Ike’s oop, but later admitted he had no idea what he was looking at all afternoon. And I still have no clue what “ricr” means.
Later, Y needed to know what time he was picking me up from class so he could start making dinner.
Y: Wheb am i getting you. nt goig to cook till yuo get hurr.
Samsung, you may be wondering why I’m writing you this letter. First of all, it’s to tell you that the keyboard on my Magnet is IMPOSSIBLE to type on. Finally, I would like to thank you for getting “Hot in Hurr” stuck in my (and probably, now, all of my readers’) head.
Not A Carnie.
You know how people say dogs start to look like their owners?
Well, I think my blog is starting to act like me. It can’t decide what genre of blog it wants to belong to: Healthy eating, where the food I consume daily gets listed in hopes of inspiring others to eat like me? Sounds kind of boring, but you should see the free samples Carrots n Cake gets 😉 Fashion, where I take pictures of my outfits and list what stores they came from? It may seem shallow, but some of my favorite blogs like Kendi Everyday and The Chloe Conspiracy get it right. Cooking? Where I document the recipes I make so you can, too? Sure, except a) I’m a terrible cook, and b) When I do cook or bake, I get most of my recipes from Annie’s Eats or Homemade by Holman, so you might as well just read their blogs.
Okay, so maybe my dog resembling owner analogy wasn’t the best. My blog is obviously ADD because it’s my puppet, and I’M blog ADD.
Keeping up with the number of blogs I subscribe to is like a second job; I read blogs that review books, in anticipation that someday I’ll read The Diary of Anne Frank and can not feel guilty about reading for pleasure. I read the aforementioned (and then some) cooking and fashion blogs. I even read blogs on organizing in the hopes they will make me organized. I read articles that are linked to from the handful of public health blogs I read. And I read Perez Hilton because, well, I’m addicted. My name is Daci, and I’m a blogaholic.
I guess I feel like I my little blog has to keep up with the ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY THREE blogs (on 10 different topics) that I subscribe to. A random sampling from my iPhoto “possible pictures for blog” folder can attest to that.
Pictures taken in case my blog decides to be a cooking blog:
Or a fashion blog:
But when it comes down to it, I think my favorite blogs are the ones where totally normal people manage to keep me entertained by sharing their completely normal lives. And since I don’t really excel at anything (except maybe owning a cute dog), well, that’s really my only option.
All this to say that I hope my little blog audience won’t judge the randomness and ADD, because it’s not going away. Have I mentioned I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up? More on that later.
*I’m aware that blah, blah, blahg is the name of a blog. I read that one too.