1. Thank God Blake Lively had her baby so I can reclaim my title as most fashionable pregnant lady in all of the land.
2. Y has been working crazy hours lately, and the few moments we are awake and at home at the same time is when I’m either falling asleep or waking up, WHICH HAVE SUDDENLY BECOME OLYMPIC EVENTS. I pretty much spend our entire time together grunting as I try to lay down, sit up, or roll over. Then I need about 20 minutes to recover.
3. I’m happy to report that a few weeks ago, Y said the eight little words every pregnant girl wants to hear: You’re starting to look like a freak show.
4. In case you wanted an update about my emotional well-being, I cried when Beyonce and Jay Z met William and Kate. IT WAS SUCH A PIVOTAL MOMENT.
5. Recently, I felt a large mass protruding from my stomach. “There’s a legit body part sticking out!” I told Y. “I think it’s the butt.” Y touched my stomach. Are you picturing such a romantic and tender moment? Don’t. “Heh heh,” said Y. “You have a butt inside of you.”
6. After a concert recently, my friend and I were waiting in a valet line in the cold. My friend was shivering. I casually unzipped my bulky coat and four people immediately let us skip them in line. I’VE STILL GOT IT.
7. Speaking of, here’s my advice for getting attention from the opposite sex: go to the gym pregnant. Sure, you’ve gotten double takes before, but have you ever gotten a QUADRUPLE take? How about a thumbs up? Applause? I’ve never had more attention in my life. One guy almost fell down the stairs when he looked at me.
8. My favorite part about being pregnant is coughing up blood. I feel like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. So glamorous.
(P.S. I don’t think coughing up blood is necessarily common, but nosebleeds are… and I have an awesome case of chronic post nasal drip. Hence, coughing up blood. Told you it was glamorous)