A few things I’ve learned:
- When a guy’s nearest and dearest friends and family take the time to send a wedding gift on his behalf, he is helpless to write a thank you note. “But… but what do I say?” he asks. “Say thank you for the thing they got you,” you say helpfully. The notes pile up on his desk and eventually some are even forgotten about. However, when there’s a job on the line? Thank you note writing becomes an art and the most important thing he can possibly do. “They wrote me a thank you note for my thank you note!” he says, “Should I write them a thank you note for their thank you note for my thank you note?”
- It might seem exciting to travel around the country, run through airports, eat free meals, and explore new cities’ public transportation options. You might even be jealous. But don’t be fooled. I was, until I heard the phrase “soul-crushing loneliness” from a Microtel in Michigan.
- When you’re home alone and you wake up in the morning to find your couch smeared with blood, save yourself a heart attack and don’t automatically assume someone broke in, tried to kill something, freaked out at the sight of blood, and left. It might sound ridiculous, but I was home alone and saw blood — wouldn’t your first thought be murderer?? Luckily,it turns out my queasy murderer was just my dog, who decided to bury a pack of gum in the couch with his nose. He did so with such intensity that he rubbed his nose raw and streaked our tan couch with smears of blood that would have left Dexter Morgan scratching his head.